Friday, October 11, 2013

National Coming Out Day

My coming out story is really not that interesting….it was well calculated and precise. I thought to myself, I was not going to get bashed or spit on. I want power, and I will get it!

In high school…I joined the band, where queer and sexually active teens were amongst the populous—I wanted it all. I eventually became the leader of the band, the drum major, and kept my straightness role in life going as long as humanly possible…there were challenges, and hiccups, but I was pretty straight… I joined winter guard and wrestling to show the variety of skills I had, and to have fun—and not be challenged—for I was graceful yet powerful and fierce.  Waterpolo was a way to show masculinity and get girls—and I did.  I hung out with friends who were chill and smoked pot, so that I would learn to be a deviant without getting caught. Most of them were closeted homosexuals as well—I learned from their experiences—listened carefully. I practice gay-dar by reading books by gays, and I read  people left and right, and ensured I understood performativity—either if it was over-done  or underdone to explain actions and behavior. Psychoanalysis books taken from my mother’s study were very helpful.  I spent time with high intellectuals and joined various math and science clubs so that my learning disabilities could be hidden, and I could hide my deviant behavior behind my intellectualism. I planned to go to Stanford for its Chemistry Dept, Dance Program, Native Community, and Gay Centers….  And I did…. Through High school I came out to the “deviants” – because they could be trusted, they were true people trying to survive under oppression. I have always trusted the oppressed.

I got to college, and with all my research, I created a false history of gayness “coming out with I was 16” and going though it all. My false narrative gave me a traumatic experience without ever having one. I got respect, and being bisexual was “like not a big deal”…… I continued…  hiding my closet… and coming out to people as if I had always been out. “like duh, I’ve been out for like 5plus years”…. Giving others a sense of ignorance (the biggest fear anyone has is feeling stupid—it smothers homophobia)… moreover my size and presences saved me from most challenges… and now I am a gay scholar and vogue….

I do have to say, I did come from a place that loves its gays… there are a lot of gays in my communities…. Santa Cruz is a very liberal place, my Danza Aztec Group loves Gay people, my own familia has queer love for it is the love of our family… so struggle was not necessarily there…

The only bump in the road was bias and racism… “if you’re so gay, shouldn’t you look like this, act like this, and be like this….?” Pressure to look one way or be one way…in order to even participate in gay things….there I was in the center of the gay world, but not necessarily included… it was weird… so I my thirst for gay culture took me to research, and I experienced everything on my own... the gay culture consumed my being and mind…vogue, bathhouses, boyfriends, parties, underground, worlds beyond worlds became my home… creating an artist of sorts…

Dance set me free…

And so I dance…

Too many lives were created in this process of coming out…. And it took years…. Now, as a two-spirit, I devote my life to providing opportunities to the children, to not fall into cracks as they come out… I have lost too many friends to the pressures of “the gay being” ….

Dance will set us free… 

Friday, October 4, 2013

Gay Gang, a group little known

By Enrique Acevedo

Sisco Romero and Sergio Rios were rival gang members in Los Angeles, California. However, neither imagined that this rivalry would become a unique partnership: love.

Both hid a secret which, if revealed, would have cost them life. In the world of gangs, "do not approve of homosexuality. There was so much emotional abuse, "says Romero.

Both Sergio and Sisco entered World l very young gangs.

Sergio says his mother rather see him in a gang rather than having to accept his homosexuality.
"The latest I heard from my mother who told me that I suck," he says with pain.

For Sisco, on the other hand, the criminal was his way of being accepted and appear to be heterosexual at the same time. "Hide it was very easy in this world," said Rivers.

Gang members face stereotypes gay culture from which they come, and the pressure to maintain posture of rude and violent men requiring social group they belong to.

"We had a bunch of women and other men with the same name. One of the girls and pretended to be a lesbian couple. She covered me and I her, "says Rios.

Dino Dinco is the director of Homeboy, a documentary that explores the lives of six Hispanic men who were part of gangs while living an internal struggle against his true identity.

The young filmmaker Sergio and Sisco believes are part of an underrepresented population and known, and wanted to bring their personal stories to the big screen.

"I think the documentary not only helps women and gay men, but also to heterosexuals, so that they can understand," said Dinco.

According to a report from the University of California, there are about nine million homosexuals in the country. However it is very difficult to know the exact number of gay gang, since most do not accept their sexual orientation. A report released today says that Hispanics are 1.4 million who acknowledge being gay.

Currently Sisco has a partner and says he feels relieved, away from gang life and also suffered discrimination. "I feel very good, because my family supports me, she loves me unconditionally and I love my partner. It feels great, "he says.

For Sergio Romero, things have also improved. He now has a steady job and going to college, though still unable to achieve that for years has been his greatest desire in life.

"The opportunity to have a family. But now that I'm openly gay and I know, I see the hope of having my parents back in my life, "he said.

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